Managing this disaster

On the eve of "Disaster Management" exam, as I was browsing through the monotonous and slumber provoking slides containing a list of do's and dont's in case of events like floods,fire,earthquake etc, my eyes got transfixed on this object that you can see here. For a few minutes, the sight of this object transported me into a world of trance and made me forget whatever disaster was being addressed to in the slides.

All of you must be in bewilderment, wondering what this object is which enthralled me; It's nothing but my favourite half-pant which I bought from Marina Beach in Chennai. While shopping near Marina Beach, I casually picked it up from the footpath, as I wanted to add some more freakish collections to my already ridiculous wardrobe (I am fortunate enough not to have suffered a Wardrobe Malfunction inspite of having such collections). As you can see this pair of "Zoo-logical" shorts depicts 4 animals : Monkeys,Giraffes,Elephants and Leopards roaming in a world of their own. This pair of shorts is not only testimonial to my bizarre dressing sense, but also the butt of jokes and a free laughter dose for all my dear friends in my hostel.

But you might be wondering whether I am really that crazy enough to write such atrocious stuff, on the eve of an exam, and what kind of disaster can we manage by looking at this silly piece of cloth. What can be a greater disaster than a world deprived of such beautiful species? As the print of the animals are also gradually fading away from my shorts, I am reminded of these beautiful creatures also disappearing away into eternity. The world shall be a better place once we start managing this disaster effectively. This would pave the way for a Utopia, where monkeys,giraffes,elephants, leopards can run through the jungle careless and free,with the wind in their hair and the sand at their feet. I can't help but quote Savage Garden now:
"Compassion in the jungle, Compassion in your hands,
Would you like to make a run for it, Would you like to take my hand?"

CWG or CWP ???

Most of us know what CWG stands for. For those who don't, CWG stands for Commonwealth Games. The Commonwealth Games to be held in Delhi soon, has been one of the most widely discussed and controversial topics. Ranging from the Kalmadi scam, to the poor infrastructure, to the security concerns, the CWG has seen it all.


But no one knows what CWP stands for. So I have no other alternative but to expand the abbreviation. It stands for "CORN WITH PAWN". This is the latest chat show in our college which by dint of its unique concept,charisma,enigma and expect-the-unexpected can give shows like "Koffee with Karan" and "Rendezvous with Simi Garewal" a run for their money. The host of the show is our dear friend,the enigmatic "Pawn", who loves eating Corn and hence the name of the show. And the Director of the show is none other than yours truly. Now let us have a look at the probable reasons (with a high confidence interval) as to why CWP will score over CWG.Inspired by my dear friend and co-writer Akshay, the theme of whose blogs is the lucky number seven, I have thought of putting forward seven reasons why CWP will score over CWG:-

1. There would be a wide variety of celebrities for the show, who will ensure non-stop fun and entertainment. Some of them are Nagraj, Chomu, Tiger-Killer, Bombay Man, Q-Man, Drogba,Crammer and Ishan Awasthy.
2. The probability of corruption and under the table kalmadiesque dealings are negligible.
3. The image of the nation is not at stake.
4. No security concerns will be expressed by the celebrities.Their only fear is of getting clean bowled by Pawn's qustions, unless Q-Man himself takes the responsibility of asking questions.
5. The celebrities do not have to undergo any drug or substance abuse test,fail in them and bring ignomity upon themselves. They will be treated to a healthy platter consisting of only Corn, served by none other than Pawn.
6. No threat of rains, overflowing of rivers and subsequent fear of dengue or other diseases.
7. No chance of the stage or set falling apart and subsequent injury to workers.

In view of these it may be concluded that.........................(left for the readers!!)

Repair almost nothing

On the eve of Independence Day, the tube-light of my room was not working. Whether the problem was minor or major, I simply had no clue. So,in despair I switched on the normal 15 watt lamp and stood in front of the mirror, which reflected a "Tube-Light", who cannot fix a simple tube-light, inspite of being armed with an Electrical Engineering Degree . This fact took me down memory lane to the summer of 2004, the day of the Joint Entrance Examination counselling when I had to make a decision whether to take up Electrical or Mechanical Engineering as a career option.

Finally the choice was made after a lot of dilly dally- Electrical Engineering, abbreviated as EE (one of the expanded versions of EE is "Employment Exchange", courtesy Dr Mainak Sengupta). One of the reasons which transformed the indecision into a decision was the aversion and abhorrence to 4 years of drawing which a student has to do in the course of Mechanical Engineering, which no doubt is considered as 'The Boss Department.' There were rumours stating that a Mechanical Engineering student having a perfect 6/6 vision in the first semester ended up with myopia, hypermetropia, retinoschysis and what not at the time of completing graduation!!!! However, the scarcity of girls in Mechanical Engineering Department was perhaps the coup de grace which tipped the scales in favour of Electrical Engineering. Little did I know of the high voltage shocks that were awaiting me in the next four years.

Electrical Engineering was considered as a versatile department, which offered the flexibility of choosing a plethora of career options, though to the young and innocent mind simply being good in the Electrostatics and Electricity section of Higher Secondary Physics (which had nothing else apart from Ohm’s Law and Faraday’s Laws), meant a bright prospect as an Electrical Engineer . But I fail to decipher why the common people still consider Electrical Engineering to be associated with the task of fixing bulbs and switches. Once I proudly say ‘I am an Electrical Engineer’, pat comes the reply, ‘Oh please fix my tube light. My fan is not revolving etc etc. Please Help!’

At the end of four years, after being confined in an educational system which emphasised mainly on cramming some formulae and pages of theory instead of focusing on the practical and industrial aspects, I realised the truth that an Electrician is much more knowledgeable than a qualified Electrical Engineer merely because of his acclimatization to practical situations and problems. Hence even now as a proud Electrical Engineer, when I am unable to sort out any minor Electrical issue like fixing a tube light or, I never hesitate in calling up the Electrician because doing that myself is a chimerical proposition.I couldn’t simply care less for the comments from the neighbourhood aunties who said, ‘Oh, I thought you had an Electrical Engineer at home.’ Blame it on me or blame it on the system, this in fact is the stark reality and it still remains unchanged. Even without a degree, and inspite of suffering from Asperger's Syndrome, Rizwan Khan could proudly say "I repair almost anything". But I can proudly say that, "I repair almost nothing...!!!!" :) . Happy Independence Day.

Inceptional theory of Marketing

Dear readers, please do not judge by the lucency of title and assume the following piece of writing to be some hi-funda theory straight out of a journal or a research paper or something that Philip Kotler is about to include in the upcoming edition of his book. What you are about to read is nothing but unadulterated nonsense arising out of a blitzkrieg i.e. a sudden rush of madness.This is because I, equipped with almost zero knowledge of Marketing, I have boldly risked to venture into unchartered territory by trying to form some idiosyncratic opinions and ideas, which would really shock Prof Deepa Sahasrabuddhe.

A few days ago I had gone to see the latest Hollywood flick Inception just to have a glimpse of what the hype is all about. But I was exhausted and enervated after yet another very normal day in a B-Schooler's life- one presentation, two assignments and a ''God'' level viva examination. The ambiance inside the multiplex provided to be ideal for sleep, but the only slumber slayer (apart from the usual endless list of professors) surprisingly was the movie. After 150 minutes of battle between my dreams and the sound from the Dolby digital speakers,all that my subconscious mind could register was a few words- Totem, Dreamer, Limbo, Kick etc.

The very next day I read an interesting news related to a battle between two marketing giants- P&G and HUL, with the latter spoiling the former's mega plan. P&G, planning to unveil its new 'Pantene' shampoo, put up hoardings all around Mumbai which read ' a mystery shampoo better than anything else is about to come.' But HUL ambushed the mystery with their hoardings which read 'there is no mystery, Dove is the No.1 shampoo.' As a result of this top executives of P&G went cribbing about this and started accusing HUL of spying, adopting unethical means etc. But they failed to understand the fact that they were 'Inceptionalized'.

P&G were the ''Dreamers'' and in their minds arose the idea of promoting a mystery shampoo supposed to be better than anything else. This dream was constructed in the mind of the Dreamer by the ''Architects'' ,who were their marketing strategists. After creation of this dream, they went inside a ''Limbo'' (a place where dreamers end up if they dream too deeply), as a result of which they believed that no one would be able to steal their dreams. But HUL had Mr Cobb with them, who, armed with his ''Totem'' , (which is an object constructed to invade a dream) provided P&G with the ultimate ''Kick.'' This kick woke up the dreamer and returned it back to reality. Thus, they were ''Cobbed'' (read as robbed) of their Dreams. This in short, explains the ''Inceptional Theory of Marketing.'' Keep the top spinning or else risk getting Inceptionalized.

Caught by the bird

Since childhood, we have always been advised by our parents and elders to rise early in order to gear up for the challenges and activities that are lined up for the rest of the day. Obviously the proverb used for this piece of advice is ''The early bird catches the worm''.

The proverb can also be rephrased as an anti-proverb : ''The early worm gets caught by the bird''.

Whether we accept the proverb or the anti-proverb depends on whether we visualize ourselves as the bird or the worm. If we visualize ourselves as a bird, then the interpretation is quite obvious. On the other hand if we visualize ourselves as the worm and go by the anti-proverb, it makes us feel quite lazy and insecure; as if we are not really prepared for confronting our adversaries. But that really doesn't mean one has to feel weak or inferior in visualizing oneself as a worm and stay hidden in a cocoon. The motivation of the early worm to rise early is to avoid getting caught by the bird. That is because if the worm wakes up late, it can't prevent the inevitable from happening- it will eventually end up getting caught by the bird . Another cardinal sin for the worm is to assume that the bird will also not rise early- this is a sure shot recipe for disaster.

A very common example to elucidate this bird and worm syndrome is our college life. Obviously the worm refers to the students and the bird (eagle to be precise) refers to the professors. This proverbial bird always has the habit of rising early to conduct lectures and the proverbial worm always has the habit of doing exactly the opposite and consequently ends up missing the lectures. Hence, it faces severe reprimands and threats like not being eligible for semester exams and placements due to attendance shortage, term not granted etc. The end results are catastrophic. So its always better (though difficult) to wake up early. In that event the early worm will not get caught by the bird. This will negate not only the proverb but also the anti-proverb.

Inside a glass house

I remember Harsha Bhogle saying this in one of his TV interviews, ‘’A tired mind is a bad mind.’’ Now, how does the mind become tired? This is because we think in a very complex manner. With manifold goals to achieve, and in a frenetic endeavour to come out with the best possible solution, we forget the simple facts and always think in a complicated manner resulting in ‘’Chemical Lochas’’ in our brain. It has become a general perception that coming out with complex solutions would result in a quantum leap and enable us to reach the zenith. Hence instead of looking from a grassroots level and attacking the crux of the matter, the labyrinthine thoughts entangle the internal wiring in our minds, resulting in a short circuit. A holistic and a simplistic viewpoint, would prevent such a catastrophe and hence is the perfect antidote for the tired mind.

In a very generic manner, this simple proverb explains how the kaleidoscopic mind forms a perception of things- ‘’People living in glass houses should not throw stones.’’ We know that if we live in glass houses and throw stones, the repercussions will be hazardous. This is the general view. An MBA aspirant after cramming pages of exhaustive word lists, in a desperate attempt to bell the CAT would complicate and rephrase the proverb as ‘’People living in vitreous edifices should abstain from hurling perilous projectiles’’, thereby showing off a glimpse of his flamboyant vocabulary (no offence intended though). His general notion is that having a rich vocabulary comprised of bombastic words at his disposal is a passport to success, without realising the fact that it has transformed him into nothing but a walking-talking lexicon.

In fact, there is an even more simple manner of completing the proverb which begins with ‘’People living in glass houses’’. Why unnecessarily complicate matters by throwing stones and breaking glass thereby resulting in a mess? The human mind is concealed inside a fragile glass house and should be prevented from getting shattered by the ‘stones’ of complexities. Hence, what is the first and foremost thing we should do when we live inside a glass house? It’s fairly simple- we should undress in the dark. Therefore, ‘’People living in glass houses should undress in the dark...!!!’’ Stay simple- projectiles will take care of themselves :)

All about cats and pigeons

''Cat among the pigeons'' is one of the most commonly used idioms in the English language. It means ''if something or someone puts, or sets or lets, the cat among the pigeons, they create a disturbance and cause trouble.'' Though the Cat and the Mouse have been inextricable entities since time immemorial, we never say ''Cat among the mice.'' Somehow the pigeon finds its way in, though the cat never really has had a predilection for pigeons, except for an occasional deviation in its otherwise regular platter. Let us examine why.

Pigeons are generally associated with qualities like calmness, tranquility, quietude etc. Hence, if a cat is let loose amidst a flock of pigeons, it is sure to cause pandemonium. The ominous presence of a cat is enough to trigger panic in the flock. Suddenly the flock finds themselves at sixes and sevens and start fluttering their wings in a desperate endeavor to escape. Even though the cat if let loose amidst a horde of mice, causes frantic chaos and confusion, the impact felt is much lesser in comparison to the former situation, because except for a few squeaks and screeches, nothing else really happens with the mice. Somehow the mice scamper their way to escape. Whereas the noise caused due fluttering of the wings of the pigeons is sufficient to distract our attention. The frenzied pattern of flight which the pigeons follow en-route to escape is an indication of mayhem . Hence we say ''Cat among the pigeons'' and not ''Cat among mice'' purely because of the impact factor.

Nevertheless, this idiom is used across multifarious situations. Let us see a few of them:- When a bad tempered bully of manager starts hurling vitriolic abuses on his team comprised of dedicated and meticulous workers,and threatens to fire them, we can visualize a cat among the pigeons situation. Again, in cricket we often find commentators saying, '' the fast bowler is in the midst of a hostile and fiery spell. One more wicket here will expose the tail-enders and set the cat among the pigeons.'' (For MBA aspirants, the server crashes and intermittent technical glitches in CAT 2009 also set the cat among the pigeons). Even Agatha Christie, the Queen of Crime has written a Hercule Poirot thriller titled ''Cat among the pigeons.'' Thus we find the manifold usage of the idiom.

Now let us think of ''Pigeon among the cats'' scenario.An Engineering student when bombarded with stupefying questions from panels of hostile professors in viva examinations is sure to have experienced this.(Although I have had the unique privilege of being the ''pigeon among lions'' :) .

Can we imagine a situation where a pigeon set among cats is capable of wreaking havoc?Apparently,the answer seems to be an absolute no-brainer. But if we can think a little out-of-the-box, then the answer is probably a big yes. That pigeon is none other than one of the world's greatest fast bowlers- Glenn McGrath (nicknamed The Pigeon). By dint of his pace and excellent swing control, he was capable of getting even the best of the batsmen out. The mere sight of the pigeon steaming in from 30 yards was enough to set the batsman's heart pounding in fear. The players in the dressing room, by then would have no more nails left to bite. At the same time, there also exists a compassionate,sympathetic and a humanitarian side of this apparently aggressive pigeon. Off the field he is perhaps one of the most amiable cricketers ever seen. After the unfortunate demise of his wife, he has taken a noble initiative of setting up the McGrath Foundation which raises money for cancer treatment and spreading cancer awareness. No words can describe the greatness of this pigeon.

Similarly,the human mind is also like an imperceptible pigeon- calm, unruffled, imperturbable from the outside,but yet at the same time, has enough power and potential inside even to challenge the best, and emerge triumphant.Hence, it all depends on how we unleash the pigeon in us, which determines whether we fly to great heights or eventually end up getting killed by the cat.

Fifteen minute reminders

Over the century, Indian cinema by virtue of its myriad hues has enthralled countless audiences all around the globe. Gradually cinema has become an intrinsic part of our life, not only for the entertainment aspect which it has provided us with, but also for the morals and lessons which it has taught us. The timeless romantic classics have made many a heart go on an emotional roller-coaster ride. The action and thriller flicks (though some of them are inspired from Hollywood) have made audiences sit on the edge of the seats, sending them on a wild goose chase. The rib-tickling comedies have ensured laugh riots across innumerable houseful theaters. With item-numbers making a foray and almost replacing the traditional dance sequences, the titillation quotient has also been maintained, in addition to providing jobs to erstwhile jobless Censor board members. We cant simply imagine life without cinema.

But a new genre of Indian cinema has emerged and gained a lot of popularity recently amongst the audience - a theme based on rare diseases which plagues the human mind and body (I am not sure of the exact nomenclature of this genre of films). These movies have not only made us aware about the rare ailments,but also have provided us with glimpses of the hardships and misfortunes these unfortunate people have to go through. Their fighting spirit despite all odds, inspires us more and more. The portrayal of the dyslexic child in ''Taare Zameen Par'' has made tears roll down the cheeks of many . The movie ''Paa'' on the other hand provides a deep insight into Progeria,a rare ailment where the affected person ages faster.''My Name is Khan'' deals with Aspergers Syndrome where a person has difficulties in socializing whereas Karthik calling Karthik depicts a Schizophrenic person who suffers from split personality and keeps calling himself (by setting pre-recordes messages on the phone). Amir Khan plays an amnesiac in Ghajini, forgetting facts after every fifteen minutes.

Lets have a lighter perspective on this :- The modern generation has a plethora of activities and deadlines to meet. The demands are soaring higher than the Kolkata taxi meter and have transformed the world into a wild rat-race, where a fraction of a second clearly demarcates a winner from a loser. Halcyon days have become a rarity. Hence, it is quite imperative that to achieve all our goals, we need to prioritize our activities to ensure the ideal cornucopia for our ever rising demands. One of the ways of doing this is by setting reminders to ourselves at frequent intervals, to ensure that we do not forget our activities. To cut a long story short, our life has somewhat become an amalgamation of the two symptoms portrayed in Karthik calling Karthik and Ghajini, where we need to keep reminding ourselves every now and then, what to do and what not to. Let us have an insight into what pre-recorded messages our Indian celebrities might have for themselves, after every fifteen minutes (if not lesser i.e) :-

SALMAN KHAN - "Its time I take off my shirt''

MALLIKA SHERAWAT- '' Its time I wear some clothes''

SHAHRUKH KHAN- ''My name is Khan and I am not a terrorist''

(Ah..!!! Now we know why he said that so many times in the movie)

HRITHIK ROSHAN- Time to fly some ''Kites''

BELEAGUERED INDIAN CRICKETERS (after the humiliating World T20 debacle)-

''When and where is the next late night booze party??''

PRANAB MUKHERJEE- ''Pheeskaal dephiseet eezz less than thaaa GDP''

(Only God knows how many times he's said that)

DHARMENDRA- '' Where are the dogs? I am thirsty "

(Kutte kameene main tera khoon pee jaoonga)

And finally, last but not the least, a reminder message to myself :-

''Stop wasting time by writing such nonsenscial blogs...!!!!'' :)