A smiley encounter

Although it takes only 14 muscles to smile, it requires more than 14 million grey cells to decipher what meaning the smile conveys. Especially if you are at the receiving end of a smile from someone of the fairer sex.

This happened a few years ago at Kolkata Airport, when I was about to leave for Chennai. Though this incident also stands testimony to my poor skills in English language, I would like to assure the readers that my English has improved considerably since then. After the luggage check-in formalities, when I went to the Spice Jet counter to collect my boarding pass, I saw a stunningly beautiful ground staff seated who was handing over the boarding passes to the travellers. No wonder why the airlines was named Spice Jet. Being an ardent fan of the window seat which gives me an areal view of the spectacular City of Joy, I asked her if a window seat was available. She replied, with a smile on her face, 'Sorry sir, no window seat is available'. I replied, Ok, 'I would prefer an AISLE seat. Unknowingly, I pronounced it as "AIZEL". She smiled back, saying Ok sir. This smile was wider and prettier than the previous one. I was spellbound by the beauty of her smile which transported me into a world of trance. I began wondering whether the smile was really an admiration of the charm and charisma which I carried with myself.

Inside the aircraft, I asked the airhostess, where is 16D? She replied, again with a smile, "Go straight sir, its on the AISLE." (She pronounced it as it should be A-I-L, and not as AIZEL). Never having heard such a word before, I asked her again, and again she said, its on the A-I-L sir. I was really stunned, and realized what a fool I had been. I felt as if I was at the epicenter of a huge earthquake. Now I realized what those pretty smiles meant. As I sat on my AISLE seat, I could'nt think of anything else apart from the embarassment which had befallen me. Since, then I had decided never to sit on an AISLE seat. A middle seat would be a preferable option incase the window seats were occupied.

Managing this disaster

On the eve of "Disaster Management" exam, as I was browsing through the monotonous and slumber provoking slides containing a list of do's and dont's in case of events like floods,fire,earthquake etc, my eyes got transfixed on this object that you can see here. For a few minutes, the sight of this object transported me into a world of trance and made me forget whatever disaster was being addressed to in the slides.

All of you must be in bewilderment, wondering what this object is which enthralled me; It's nothing but my favourite half-pant which I bought from Marina Beach in Chennai. While shopping near Marina Beach, I casually picked it up from the footpath, as I wanted to add some more freakish collections to my already ridiculous wardrobe (I am fortunate enough not to have suffered a Wardrobe Malfunction inspite of having such collections). As you can see this pair of "Zoo-logical" shorts depicts 4 animals : Monkeys,Giraffes,Elephants and Leopards roaming in a world of their own. This pair of shorts is not only testimonial to my bizarre dressing sense, but also the butt of jokes and a free laughter dose for all my dear friends in my hostel.

But you might be wondering whether I am really that crazy enough to write such atrocious stuff, on the eve of an exam, and what kind of disaster can we manage by looking at this silly piece of cloth. What can be a greater disaster than a world deprived of such beautiful species? As the print of the animals are also gradually fading away from my shorts, I am reminded of these beautiful creatures also disappearing away into eternity. The world shall be a better place once we start managing this disaster effectively. This would pave the way for a Utopia, where monkeys,giraffes,elephants, leopards can run through the jungle careless and free,with the wind in their hair and the sand at their feet. I can't help but quote Savage Garden now:
"Compassion in the jungle, Compassion in your hands,
Would you like to make a run for it, Would you like to take my hand?"

CWG or CWP ???

Most of us know what CWG stands for. For those who don't, CWG stands for Commonwealth Games. The Commonwealth Games to be held in Delhi soon, has been one of the most widely discussed and controversial topics. Ranging from the Kalmadi scam, to the poor infrastructure, to the security concerns, the CWG has seen it all.


But no one knows what CWP stands for. So I have no other alternative but to expand the abbreviation. It stands for "CORN WITH PAWN". This is the latest chat show in our college which by dint of its unique concept,charisma,enigma and expect-the-unexpected can give shows like "Koffee with Karan" and "Rendezvous with Simi Garewal" a run for their money. The host of the show is our dear friend,the enigmatic "Pawn", who loves eating Corn and hence the name of the show. And the Director of the show is none other than yours truly. Now let us have a look at the probable reasons (with a high confidence interval) as to why CWP will score over CWG.Inspired by my dear friend and co-writer Akshay, the theme of whose blogs is the lucky number seven, I have thought of putting forward seven reasons why CWP will score over CWG:-

1. There would be a wide variety of celebrities for the show, who will ensure non-stop fun and entertainment. Some of them are Nagraj, Chomu, Tiger-Killer, Bombay Man, Q-Man, Drogba,Crammer and Ishan Awasthy.
2. The probability of corruption and under the table kalmadiesque dealings are negligible.
3. The image of the nation is not at stake.
4. No security concerns will be expressed by the celebrities.Their only fear is of getting clean bowled by Pawn's qustions, unless Q-Man himself takes the responsibility of asking questions.
5. The celebrities do not have to undergo any drug or substance abuse test,fail in them and bring ignomity upon themselves. They will be treated to a healthy platter consisting of only Corn, served by none other than Pawn.
6. No threat of rains, overflowing of rivers and subsequent fear of dengue or other diseases.
7. No chance of the stage or set falling apart and subsequent injury to workers.

In view of these it may be concluded that.........................(left for the readers!!)

Fifteen minute reminders

Over the century, Indian cinema by virtue of its myriad hues has enthralled countless audiences all around the globe. Gradually cinema has become an intrinsic part of our life, not only for the entertainment aspect which it has provided us with, but also for the morals and lessons which it has taught us. The timeless romantic classics have made many a heart go on an emotional roller-coaster ride. The action and thriller flicks (though some of them are inspired from Hollywood) have made audiences sit on the edge of the seats, sending them on a wild goose chase. The rib-tickling comedies have ensured laugh riots across innumerable houseful theaters. With item-numbers making a foray and almost replacing the traditional dance sequences, the titillation quotient has also been maintained, in addition to providing jobs to erstwhile jobless Censor board members. We cant simply imagine life without cinema.

But a new genre of Indian cinema has emerged and gained a lot of popularity recently amongst the audience - a theme based on rare diseases which plagues the human mind and body (I am not sure of the exact nomenclature of this genre of films). These movies have not only made us aware about the rare ailments,but also have provided us with glimpses of the hardships and misfortunes these unfortunate people have to go through. Their fighting spirit despite all odds, inspires us more and more. The portrayal of the dyslexic child in ''Taare Zameen Par'' has made tears roll down the cheeks of many . The movie ''Paa'' on the other hand provides a deep insight into Progeria,a rare ailment where the affected person ages faster.''My Name is Khan'' deals with Aspergers Syndrome where a person has difficulties in socializing whereas Karthik calling Karthik depicts a Schizophrenic person who suffers from split personality and keeps calling himself (by setting pre-recordes messages on the phone). Amir Khan plays an amnesiac in Ghajini, forgetting facts after every fifteen minutes.

Lets have a lighter perspective on this :- The modern generation has a plethora of activities and deadlines to meet. The demands are soaring higher than the Kolkata taxi meter and have transformed the world into a wild rat-race, where a fraction of a second clearly demarcates a winner from a loser. Halcyon days have become a rarity. Hence, it is quite imperative that to achieve all our goals, we need to prioritize our activities to ensure the ideal cornucopia for our ever rising demands. One of the ways of doing this is by setting reminders to ourselves at frequent intervals, to ensure that we do not forget our activities. To cut a long story short, our life has somewhat become an amalgamation of the two symptoms portrayed in Karthik calling Karthik and Ghajini, where we need to keep reminding ourselves every now and then, what to do and what not to. Let us have an insight into what pre-recorded messages our Indian celebrities might have for themselves, after every fifteen minutes (if not lesser i.e) :-

SALMAN KHAN - "Its time I take off my shirt''

MALLIKA SHERAWAT- '' Its time I wear some clothes''

SHAHRUKH KHAN- ''My name is Khan and I am not a terrorist''

(Ah..!!! Now we know why he said that so many times in the movie)

HRITHIK ROSHAN- Time to fly some ''Kites''

BELEAGUERED INDIAN CRICKETERS (after the humiliating World T20 debacle)-

''When and where is the next late night booze party??''

PRANAB MUKHERJEE- ''Pheeskaal dephiseet eezz less than thaaa GDP''

(Only God knows how many times he's said that)

DHARMENDRA- '' Where are the dogs? I am thirsty "

(Kutte kameene main tera khoon pee jaoonga)

And finally, last but not the least, a reminder message to myself :-

''Stop wasting time by writing such nonsenscial blogs...!!!!'' :)

Jhooth bole kauwa kaate

I am sure everyone has heard this small adage in Hindi "Jhooth Bole Kauwa Kaate, Kaale kauwe se dariyo." The following anecdote reminds me of this.

This incident happened during our 5th semester mid-term examination. The paper was one of the most boring and descriptive subjects in our entire course '' Industrial Management''. There was no concrete syllabus for this vague subject since it required you to pen down your own fundas and ideas pertaining to problems faced in the industry. The evaluation criteria was more the pages you write, higher you score. On the night before the exam, we were casually browsing through the internet reading articles on Industrial Management. The intensity of preparation was not too great as there were lesser credits for this subject and moreover it was a mid-term examination, which was equivalent to a warmup match before the final semester exams. One of my friends prepared for the examination by watching the Bipasha Basu movie "Corporate" to garner some management principles adopted by the dusky Bong beauty in the corporate world. (What an idea Sir ji......!!!!!!)

The next morning we went to the exam hall, inspired by Corporate. The questions were fairly straightforward and I had done with almost all of them, but was breaking my head in search of more points for this particular question "Why is IT Industry developing rapidly in Kolkata?'' I had written the usual points like technical skills of people, high demand, availability of SEZ's etc. But the 20 mark question certainly required a few more points and I was running short of them. My neighbour in the exam hall was Mr Crow. (A baseless allegation of crow meat being served instead of chicken in his hostel, led to this bizarre nomenclature). I consulted him for a few more points, but since he was busy writing, he immediately handed over to me the loose sheet on which he had written the answer, and asked me to copy from it. I had never been involved in exchanging answer scripts in any examination before. Tension gripped me. But somehow I managed to regain my composure and decided to go ahead. (I would advise all readers to refrain from such nefarious activities). The very first point which he had written in bold letters went like this :-

''KOLKATA HAS A VERY WELL ESTABLISHED PORT WHICH FACILITATES EASY IMPORT-EXPORT OF SOFTWARE. HENCE IT INDUSTRY IS DEVELOPING IN KOLKATA.''

I was stunned on reading this and was lost for words to express my bewilderment. I was suddenly reminded of our poor Indian batsmen down under, facing chin music and bouncers from Brett Lee on a lightning fast Perth wicket. I simply had no courage and energy to read further points, as I was clean bowled by the first one itself. Somehow,escaping the invigilator's eyes, I managed to return the sheet back to Crow and finally submitted the paper to avoid any suspicions. Software coming and going in ships was something bizarre and unheard of. We all had a hearty laugh at the cost of Crow's ignorance.

A few months later, the placement season began with top notch IT firms like Cognizant,IBM,Wipro first on the list, offering hefty paycheques. Crow always desired for a white collar job in the IT Industry and was spending endless nights cramming C, C++ programs in a desperate attempt to fulfill his desire. I wondered, how someone who still had the idea that Software is exported in ships would make a career for himself in the IT Industry. I never wanted to deter him, and at the same time I didnt want that he should work in an industry, which was simply not his cup of tea. Doing a job which he doesnt like would enervate him and ruin all happiness in future. Foreseeing this dreaded day, I decided to convince Crow to do what he loved doing, what he was really passionate about, which was Machine Design. I explained that since he himself was a crow, once he would leave his nest in search of greener pastures, the cuckoo lurking behind the branches would destroy his nest and ruin his party. After pensive contemplation, Crow decided to throw away the software books, and started off with Machine design, high on confidence. His hardwork and dedication really paid off as he landed up with a job in a top notch design firm.

Follow what your heart tells you to do. (Remember Amir Khan's dialogue in 3 Idiots about Lata Mangeshkar playing cricket and Tendulkar singing songs). Do what you love, love what you do. Wohi kar jisme tera talent hai. Doing something which you dont like may result in temporary happiness, but it will always act like the force of gravity, trying to pull you downwards, and will spread like weeds and get entangled with your happiness. The results may be catastrophic. So do not lie to express your satiety by saying that you love doing this even if you don't, because once you do that, the illusory crow, always hovering above your head, is ever ready to strike...!!!!!!!!